Really, all you want is for them to start taking some responsibility for their own lives and to not spread the consequences of their choices through your life, like a life-destroying sickening virus.
Most of all you want them to just stop taking the drugs, or alcohol or whatever and for the craziness to stop!
Or rehab. Why can’t they just go to rehab? Sort out their mess and start to live life they way you had always hoped they would.
Then everything would be okay, right? Then you could get on with your life knowing they are okay.
Well…. maybe not.
Many of the women I talk to who are in dire straits, not knowing what to do next, certainly not knowing how to deal with the external and internal turmoil, trying to fix everything for everyone; and are usually convinced life will begin again when the addict gets the help they so desperately need.
Or maybe the addict ends up in jail and life almost feels normal again.
Sadly, most find that when the addict does go to rehab or even to jail, the ‘honeymoon’ is short-lived.
Because, just like the addict; you as a mother, partner or child of an addict need rehab too!
You need to recover, to heal and find yourself again.
To be able to find your strength and personal power. To be able to deal with whatever comes your way.
Unless you do the deeper work, to truly feel your worth and learn to love and accept yourself just as you are, to not look back and blame yourself; you will always be at the mercy of things needing to be a certain way, in order for you to be okay. And to learn that love needs to look differently than it did before.
After the ‘honeymoon’ is over, when the fear kicks in because they are coming out of jail, or you are fearful the addict will relapse, or you see a bottle under the bed, or they are seen talking to an old user friend, or when…..
The list goes on. The craziness starts up again.
Listening to your dreams, beginning to believe in yourself, finding your happiness and being able to live your life that way regardless of what anyone else does or what is going on around you, is the intention you need to set.
It needs to become your quest.
From living through the depths of this journey and finally being committed to doing whatever it takes, seeking real help and recovery and doing the work on me, here is what I know:
There is a great life to be lived even when you have been on your knees ready to have anything take you away from this world and what feels like the worst pain and torture.
There is great love and light for you from all those who matter most and so many more, but you first have to find the love for yourself, that your soul has been crying out for.
There is a great gift in all the mess of this journey, but there is work to do before you have it revealed to you.
The first step is being committed to doing whatever it will takes.